Breezy Dresses & Difficult Confessions

First and foremost, I’d like to apologize for the ridiculous length of this post.  I would not be able to say what I need to say and have it read any shorter.  So on that note, thank you if you take the time to read it through.  It hasn’t been easy for me to figure out how to talk about this, and I know that some who read it might not understand or agree.  But what no one can deny are my own very personal, valid feelings.  This has been my reality the last few months and for a while life was grim.  I know there are other women out there like me, because when I first found out I was pregnant I googled it (pregnant and don’t want kids).  I admit it didn’t make me feel any better.  If anything it induced a sense of panic and made me feel a million times worse.

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Off Duty Style + Personal Update

I’m sure some of you have noticed that I haven’t blogged in like a million years…(i.e. since February).  The truth is, something traumatic happened in mid February that sent me into a temporary (but very intense) depression.  For several months I cried myself to sleep at night and woke up every morning with a feeling of hopelessness.  Now in mid May, I’m feeling decidedly better.  I’m still not my former carefree self, but (fingers crossed) I’m on my way.   Since I have some energy back, I realize how much I’ve missed blogging, and I happen to have a small backlog of looks that were shot right before things got crazy.  This look was shot on a casual Sunday, while hanging out with my friend/assistant/fellow blogger Jessica.

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Winter Wedding | Congrats To Purely Jessica

I first met my good friend Jessica a few years back when I was looking for an assistant to help out with day-to-day fashion tasks (as well as Urban Darling tasks).  She was a recent fashion school grad who applied to one of my job postings, and I liked her right away.  She was a bit shy and quiet, but very sweet, and I knew we would get along well.  While I’ve always been more interested in design and styling, she’s a talented seamstress who makes most of her clothes by hand.  She also has a great eye for photography, and takes most of my blog photos.  When I was married exactly a year ago this month (on Dec. 27th) I even asked her to do my wedding photos.  It was a very small, intimate ceremony, and I didn’t want to make a lot of fuss by hiring a professional.  Jessica was there with me through the whole process – as I got ready right through to the end of the event, and I think the photos turned out wonderfully.

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Crazy Week + New Hair Mashup

This past week was Hell.  My styling site (www.urbandarling.com) got a makeover, but unfortunately the transition did not go smoothly.  It looks great now, but initially crashed and was down for several days, which was incredibly frustrating.  In addition to that, I had a major health scare and was stressed out of my mind awaiting catscan results, which thankfully confirmed that I’m a-okay.  In the midst of it all I was having a bit of breakdown and finally decided to chop my hair.  It’s been longish forever, and I’d been debating on going shorter and blonder.  I loved my long hair, but was honestly tired of seeing the exact same hair day in and day out for nearly a decade!  Since summer is coming, I figured now is the time.  I loooove the cut, but I’m having second thoughts about the color.  Of course that can always be changed, and that’s the fun thing about hair – it’s easy to tweak as desired.  What do you think?  Love it or hate it?  I debuted the new look last night at a Marciano event at The Americana in Glendale.  I love that mall, but since it’s outdoors, the whole experience would have been soooo much nicer in warm weather!  Instead it was cold and rainy, which is very unusual for this time of year in So Cal.  Anyway, I love Guess and I love Marciano, and the beautiful Marianna Hewitt of La La Mer was hosting.  My darling assistant Purely Jessica came along, and we sipped champagne and got our hair done, so all in all it was a fun night out.  Just hope next week is a bit more low-key and relaxing!

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Get The Look

Sweater: H&M (old) / Scarf: Cynthia Rowley (old) / Bag: Henri Bendel / Jeans: Guess / Heels: Sam Edelman

My Trip To Florida

A beautiful Cali sunset across the freeway on my way to the airport.

A beautiful Cali sunset across the freeway on my way to the airport.

Whew I’m happy to be back in LA!!  After two freezing weeks in England, then an emergency trip to Florida, I’m soooo behind on everything that I barely know where to begin.  The good news is, my dad appears to be doing better.  When my mom called during my trip to England, he was in really bad shape and we thought we might lose him.  By the time I arrived in Boca, he was still in the hospital and still very weak, but he had been moved out of ICU.  During the week I spent there, at first I wasn’t sure how he would fare, but by the time I left I saw a marked improvement and felt okay about heading home. It’s not easy to watch a loved one struggle and suffer, but I know he was happy that I was there to hold his hand, even if only for a while.  I want to share just a few snaps from my trip.  The truth is, I spent most of my time in the hospital, obviously NOT taking pictures.  But since my dad spent a lot of time resting, I did have some free time, mostly spent outdoors in the beautiful spring weather, or otherwise meeting with family.

How I dress for a day at the hospital.  In a floral dress and my favorite Report gladiator sandals.

How I dress for a day at the hospital…in a floral dress and my favorite Report gladiator sandals.

How my brother dresses for a day at the hospital...in coated denim and gorgeous Dries Van Noten sneaks.

How my brother dresses for a day at the hospital…in coated denim and snazzy Dries Van Noten kicks.  We live for fashion no matter what.

Of course I chilled out in the backyard I grew up in <3

Of course I chilled out in the backyard I grew up in.

My dad is a lover of boating and fishing, so we've always lived on the water.

My dad is a lover of boating and fishing, so we’ve always lived on the water.

My grandmother lounging in the shade.

My grandmother lounging in the shade, looking so very Florida.

While digging through old photo albums, I found this gem of me as a baby, swimming with my dad <3

While digging through old photo albums, I found this gem of me as a baby, swimming with my dad ❤

My mom is an exercise nut and copes with stress by working out.  She'll probably kill me for posting this pic...

My mom is an exercise nut and copes with stress by working out. (She’ll probably kill me for posting this pic.)

I joined her for early morning walks on the beach...something she does religiously.

I joined her for early morning walks on the beach…something she does religiously. 

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Breakfast with my grandmother at the Broken Egg Cafe, on our way to the hospital.

And a yummy organic lunch with my cousin at Farmer's Table.

And a yummy organic lunch with my cousin at Farmer’s Table, before I hopped on my flight back to LA.

Difficult Personal Update

I just got home from a nearly two week UK vacation.  I had a nice time visiting with my hubby’s family in London and Coventry, but unfortunately the trip was overshadowed by some sad news from back home.  My dad, who has been battling cancer for years, has taken a turn for the worse.  It’s crazy because he flew to California in December for my wedding and was doing pretty well.  Unfortunately, cancer complications can flare up suddenly and now he is barely coherent and barely hanging on.  I tried to alter my return flight to head straight to Miami (where my parents live) but the airline was unable to work with me.  I just arrived back in LA last night and will be flying out to Florida tomorrow. Things are pretty hectic and honestly I’m exhausted.  I wanted to share this because I haven’t updated in a while and I’m not sure when I’ll post again with everything going on.  I do want to blog about my time in England, though I won’t get to it just yet.  Right now my priority is to be there for my dad, as well as my mom and younger brother.  They’re by my dad’s side everyday at the hospital and I know they’re getting burnt out.  For now, I want to share these pictures from my wedding last December.  Dad was so happy and had such a nice time visiting with us.  I can’t believe he’s deteriorated so drastically, and I’m sure it won’t really hit me until I get there, which I’m not 100% prepared for.  I know I don’t have a lot readers just yet, but for anyone listening, your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.